Gender Identity, Choice, and the Christian: A Coherent Summary of a Talk at a Christian Educator's Conference
- Melody Ching
- Dec 22, 2025
- 4 min read
The speakers began by grounding the entire conversation in Genesis—that God created us, and that our identity begins not with self‑construction but with discovery. As Christians, we are invited to embrace the beauty of creatureliness: the humility of being created, shaped, and known by God. Before we guide young people, we must first ask ourselves: Have we appreciated what it means to be a creature under God?
1. Why Gender Identity Conversations Must Start Early
The speakers highlighted a growing trend: gender identity concerns are appearing earlier and more frequently in cases of self‑harm.
In Singapore, the youngest case was 8 years old.
Overseas, children as young as 4–5 years old express discomfort during gendered activities in preschool.
This means conversations cannot wait until adolescence. Each major transition—preschool to primary, primary to secondary, secondary to JC—creates stress and increases the likelihood of slipping into online worlds where identity is shaped without guidance.
Children today face a new challenge:“Who am I?” vs. “Who am I online?”
Many retreat into online personas because real life feels painful. The more they attach to the “online me,” the harder it becomes to live fully in the real world.
2. Teaching Critical Thinking in Emotionally Charged Areas
Singaporean students are strong in critical thinking academically—but they struggle to apply those skills to emotionally loaded topics like sexuality and identity.
Young people often bring research papers on gender or sexuality to justify their beliefs. The speakers shared how they walk students through these papers, helping them evaluate definitions, assumptions, and limitations.
At the same time, they introduce other research—such as studies showing that sleep quality strongly affects mental health—to help students see that identity is not the only factor shaping wellbeing.
This approach helps them balance their thinking and reduces the emotional intensity of “If I don’t get this choice, I will harm myself.”
3. The Power of Short, Corridor‑Length Conversations
Today’s youth prefer short, punchy conversations, not long lectures.“Love is love what.”“Everyone online says I can choose.”
Educators and parents must learn to respond with clarity and compassion in these brief moments. Older adults especially need to shorten their thought processes so they can speak meaningfully in the “corridor moments” that matter.
4. Identity Formation Begins at Birth
Belinda reminded the audience that identity does not begin in adolescence—it begins from birth.
Babies develop security through predictability and consistent routines.
As they grow, stability at home helps them navigate friendships and conflicts.
Parents teach empathy, give‑and‑take, and how to see from another’s perspective.
Every hiccup in childhood friendships contributes to identity formation. Puberty begins earlier than many assume—8–13 for girls, 9–14 for boys—so children are already forming gender identity long before secondary school.
5. The Role of Choice—and Its Limits
A major theme was the modern obsession with choice.Young people believe:“If I’m unhappy, I should be able to choose something else.”
But not everything in life is a choice.
We cannot choose our parents.
We cannot choose our birth order.
We cannot choose our race.
And we cannot choose our biological sex.
Even if medical interventions exist, it does not mean the consequences of such choices can be escaped. Choices always come with responsibilities and long‑term effects.
The speakers encouraged educators to help students understand that not all choices lead to freedom, and that sometimes the burden of choice is heavier than the burden of acceptance.
6. Contentment in a World of Endless Options
We live in a culture that worships choice—from playlists to bread brands. But more choice does not always lead to more happiness.
Contentment is a value Christians must model.When educators themselves stop worshipping choice, they carry a different “vibe”—one that helps young people see that life is not about maximizing options but about embracing what God has given.
The speakers encouraged focusing on getting a few major decisions right, rather than obsessing over every detail:
Who you follow (spiritually).
Avoiding harmful choices (drugs, risky sexual behavior).
Making a few wise decisions about studies or career.
This reduces anxiety and helps young people breathe again.
7. Helping Students Understand Relationships and Sexuality
Young people often believe relationships define their identity. But relationships are about mutual care, not self‑gratification. Sexual urges, on the other hand, are primarily self‑focused.
Educators can guide students to see that:
Sex does not make someone “more grown up.”
Sexual choices carry consequences.
Identity is not built on sexual experience.
For Christians, identity is rooted in God’s design and God’s value for life. Every person has inherent dignity because they are made in God’s image.
8. Same‑Sex Attraction (SSA): Clarifying Definitions
There is no universal definition of sexual orientation. Some studies classify people as “same‑sex attracted” simply because they had a same‑sex encounter—even if it was non‑consensual.
Sexual orientation involves multiple components:
Romantic attraction
Sexual arousal
Behavior
Identity
Understanding this complexity helps educators avoid simplistic assumptions and respond with compassion and clarity.
9. Living the Truth Before Teaching It
The speakers ended with a powerful reminder:
Before we teach young people about identity, choice, and sexuality, we must first live out these truths ourselves.
If we are obsessed with choice, we cannot convincingly teach its limits.If we are restless and discontent, we cannot model contentment.If we do not embrace our own creatureliness, we cannot guide others into it.
Young people are shaped not only by what we say, but by the lives we carry.
Final Encouragement
Identity, sexuality, and choice are complex topics in a generation that prizes freedom and individuality. But Christians can walk with humility, clarity, and compassion—helping young people discover who they are not by constructing themselves from scratch, but by receiving the identity God lovingly gives.
Adapted from a transcript of a talk with the same title - NCEC 2025, 22 Dec 2025, BBTC Singapore
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